A Dating Guide From a Success Story

Successful dating is wonderfully fun.

There's been a focus on dating for the last few weeks in my circle of friends, especially those from church. I've decided to compile a list of dating guidelines based on my college dating experiences.

These guidelines have helped me over the last few years. The only times I have been wanting for dates is when men have thought that I was dating someone when I wasn't. When that happened, I was also letting some of these guidelines slide. And now I will never want for dates again because I am marrying my best friend and we have already decided to go on a date at least once a week.

1. Meet the guys at least half way. It is not up to the men to initiate friendships, ask out, and follow up on dates. I'm aware that there are some women who will not ask men on dates out of principle. If you're like that, that's fine, but it doesn't take you off the hook. No one is going to ask you out if you don't at least let the guy know that you're interested in friendship, in the very least. If you go on a date and you have a great time, let him know you want a second date. If you're getting frustrated waiting for him to ask you out, ask him out. It's not that hard and you'll show that you're independent.
2. Dress to impress. Seriously. If you're constantly hanging out with the guy you like in sweats, it's going to be harder for him to be attracted to you. Unless you're doing something active (hiking, frisbee, swimming, volleyball, etc.), or maybe you're having a late-night movie, look like you made an effort. Don't do your make up for the ladies, do it for the men. Wear flattering clothes. Don't dress like a skank unless you want to be treated like one, but do dress like you like yourself and your body. Dress like you find yourself attractive. If you think you're attractive, others will, too.
3. Make your intentions clear. Sure, mystery can be intriguing and sexy, but so much mystery that the guy is confused is just going to lead no where. If you are really good friends, it's ok to tell him that you'd like to go on a date with him sometime. If you're too shy to do that, that's ok, too. As Ursualla told Ariel, "Don't forget the importance of body language."
   
   Body language is great. Show men you're interested by touching their arms, leaning on their shoulders, subtle things like that. Men aren't stupid. They may be oblivious at times, but they can read the signs, at least to some degree. My fiance was one of the most oblivious people I'd ever met, but he could at least tell that I wanted to spend more time with him.
4. Make friends with men. When I first moved into my apartment complex, the first friends I made were men. I spent all my time hanging out with them. I'm very comfortable with that, since I have a hard time making friends with girls. I was interested in dating a couple of them, but I'm not their friend for that reason. I am their friend because I enjoy spending time with them. They are funny, smart, witty, and caring friends. The great thing about being friends that go one dates with all intentions out in the open is that I'm still friends with them, even though I'm no longer on the market.

There are my guidelines. They have served me well.

Let's all be logical here

I really like logic. Logic puzzles have always been some of my favorite things to do. I also tend to be logical  in my views, opinions, and decisions. Recently, it has come to my attention that this is not as normal as I thought. I have decided to share my views on being logical and being illogical. 

I will admit that there are times when being illogical and even unreasonable are exactly what you need to do. I have done this before. I once was freaking out and some of my roommates were telling me things that I already knew. It was really bothering me, since I hate being told things I already know; I find it pointless. I finally told one of my roommates that I wanted to be irrational. She sat down with me and we came up with increasingly more irrational scenarios. I ended up laughing and everything was fine. 

I have come up with a list of reasons I find appropriate for illogical thinking.

1. When you are incredibly stressed and need a break from the world.
2. When you're pregnant or have some other type of hormone craziness going on.
3. When you're brainstorming.
4. When nothing seems to be working and you just need the world to revolve around you for a minute. (Unless you're a pessimist and you never think anything is working. Then you just need to cheer up.)

I have also come up with a list of reasons people tend to be illogical when I don't think it's appropriate.

1. Money issues. I have never understood why people are illogical about money. I completely understand the urge to buy new clothes or a new gadget or whatever your weakness is, but I don't understand why anyone would buy something when they don't have enough money for food or rent. It's completely illogical. It's also illogical to think you have to spend money as soon as you make it. Save up for things. Save up for emergencies! Have emergency funds! Follow a budget. I just don't understand illogical money use.
2. Relationships. I'm talking about all types of relationships, not just romantic ones. If you tell someone not to get you a present, you can't logically get mad when you don't get a present. If being super close friends with someone is causing you more stress than joy, it's only logical to distance yourself from that person. 
3. Cleaning. I just don't understand not being clean. I'm not perfect at keeping my apartment clean. I will never say I am, but I do try to pick up after myself. It's logical to do that. If I borrow something, I pick it up. I don't understand how it makes any sense to use someone else's thing and then expect that person to clean it up. It's only logical to pick things up as soon as you are done with them. 

Logical thinking can relieve a lot of stress. I'm going to share a story where logical thinking helped me make one of the best and hardest decisions of my life. It is about my wonderful fiance! I decided in late October that I wanted to decide once and for all whether I was going to marry Jeremiah or not. I knew that marrying him would not be a bad thing, so I decided to identify exactly what was holding me back. After thinking about it, I was able to identify two distinct reasons why I couldn't decide. The first I quickly resolved by deciding it was a stupid reason. I realize that this might seem weird to many, but there are just some things that we think matter, but, when all things are considered, they just don't. The other reason was a problem I have had my entire life and it's not really a problem. It was my age, but I have always felt too young. I still feel like I'm too young to be living on my own, working, going to school, supporting myself, etc. Really, I'm perfectly capable of it. So that reason was also put in the "doesn't matter" pile. After that, I had absolutely no problem with marrying Jeremiah and all the stress I felt about our relationship vanished. I'm so glad I worked through that, because he is an even better fiance than he was a boyfriend and I have no doubt that he will be an even better husband. 

Logical thinking has also helped me with my money. I'm not rich by any means, and I can't have all of the luxuries I grew up with, but I can live comfortably. It's not because I make tons of money; it's because I think before I spend. I completely understand wanting new things. My weakness is music and clothes. Since I'm currently saving everything for my wedding, I have had to ban myself from music stores. I went in one a few weeks ago and it was incredibly hard to leave one of the books I found. I still feel like I need it, but logic tells me that I will live, so I must not give in and go buy it. While I can find cute clothes and not feel like I need them in my life, I also tend to want new clothes more when I know I can't have them. When I get this feeling, I have to ask myself if I am naked. Since I am not naked, I do not need new clothes. Logic dictates this.

Logic can be used in any situation and a better outcome will come of it. I give a 95 percent guarantee. That 5 percent is only there for those people that just insist that everything is bad all the time and nothing good will ever happen. Logic will help you in school. It will help you in your career. Logic is your friend. It will never abandon you and it will make your life better. 

Really, I just don't understand being illogical. It's illogical to be illogical. I don't know how the comments about my logic were meant to be taken, but they haven't sounded like compliments. However, I will take them as compliments. I wish the world were logical. I really think everyone would get along so much better if logic was used more often. I've noticed that illogical people are easily offended and are hard to be around (only because it's hard to be logical around illogical people, which makes thinking before you speak more important and twice as hard). I challenge everyone to think logically before making a decision. Decisions made from an illogical state of mind will very rarely end in success.