What does this have to do with testimonies? Good question. I've recently come to notice a general train of thought when it comes to members of the LDS Church. It might be present in many faiths, I don't know, I'm not of many faiths, I am of one. This thought is that it's hard for intellectuals to have testimonies. Until recently, I have not really considered myself an intellectual. Perhaps I'm not one, but I fit the category as described by many. In some people's eyes, I am an intellectual. In a scientist's eyes, I'm probably not. Either way, I like things to be proven. This being said, I would like to share how I came about my testimony that God is our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is our Savior and Redeemer.
I cannot remember a single Sunday growing up that my parents just decided not to go to church. The only times I can remember not going is when I was sick, we were snowed in, or we were travelling. Even when we were travelling, I remember going to church almost every Sunday we were on the road. The only exception I can remember is when we were visiting my grandpa on a Sunday. He is not religious and family comes before anything else so we would visit with him instead of going to church. As a child I simply did not doubt my parents or their testimonies.
The first time I remember doubting religion in general was sometime between 7th and 9th grade. I don't remember an exact year, but I know it was in there. I had a hard time believing there was a being I could not see that cared about me, cared about what I did with my life, and knew me personally. The vastness of God was just too much. My "prove it" tendency came out and I could not find anyone that could prove that there was any type of god.
This type of thought came and went for a few years. I remember telling my mom that I didn't know if I had a testimony or not and she told me that I did, I just didn't know it and she could tell I did because this bothered me so much. I did not believe her, but I realized I was bothered by not knowing because of two reasons: 1) I did not know and I don't like not knowing things and 2) the idea of a world and life with no meaning is incredibly sad to me. I could not accept that we come to this life, conscious beings, from nothing and then die and become nothing again. The thought of only leaving a legacy, not continuing after this life, is kinda depressing if you really think about it.
Once I realized this, I knew I had to find out if life is depressing or if there is some other purpose. Growing up in a church-going family really helped me find a place to start. The interesting thing is, I hadn't even started looking when I found the answer.
By this time I was in early morning seminary. Every morning I would get up sometime between 4:30 and 5, get ready for school, and leave at 5:30 to get to seminary by 6, which was held at the teacher's house. I hated it. I am not a morning person and I only went because my parents expected me to and I've never liked disappointing them. Some time in the first two years of this, I was trying to find a scripture to start the class off with (We rotated doing a spiritual thought and prayer by week) and I opened up The Book of Mormon. I liked doing this because you can find a good spiritual thought on almost every page of that book of scripture. The scripture I found that day happened to be 2 Nephi 11:7
7 For if there be ano Christ there be no God; and if there be no God we are not, for there could have been no bcreation. But there is a God, and che is Christ, and he cometh in the fulness of his own time.
That highlighted part is the part that really struck me. I'd always had a hard time accepting that the whole world just evolved by chance into what it is. It just seemed a little far fetched to me. I have never been able to just accept that conscious life just happened by chance. People are too complex, animals are even too complex. There had to be something there prompting it along. I agree with a biology professor I had a few semesters ago in saying God may have used evolution to create the world. He is the greatest scientist ever, after all. Even if he didn't, I will never say it does not exist after the creation, there is just too much evidence saying evolution exists.
After finding this verse, I decided I needed to find the true religion. Since I found the verse in The Book of Mormon, I figured the religion I was raised in was a good place to start. I also trust my parents and consider them to be very intelligent. If they have testimonies that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the true church, there must be a reason why. They wouldn't believe it blindly. I began asking questions in church and to my parents. I had a lot of questions but every answer I was given made sense, there was no contradiction between them. Slowly, I gained a testimony all for myself.
I know God is real. It has been proven to me beyond the shadow of a doubt. I know he is a God of order and his church would be the same across the world and organized in a way where that could easily happen. He is a kind and merciful God and would allow a chance for every one of his children to return to him. I know Jesus Christ was sent to earth to die for us for just that reason. I know they appeared to a young Joseph Smith to restore the true church to the earth. This I know for myself. I have studied it, I have prayed about it, and I've received answers to my prayers.
If anyone that reads this doubts that intellectuals can have testimonies, I hope I have shed even the tiniest ray of light into that thought process. Intellectuals can have testimonies. Religious universities and colleges everywhere are evidence of this. Testimonies come when they are searched for, just like any other knowledge. Those that truely understand things are those that study whatever it is that's being understood. Anyone can come to know anything if they only put in the effort.
