A Dating Guide From a Success Story

Successful dating is wonderfully fun.

There's been a focus on dating for the last few weeks in my circle of friends, especially those from church. I've decided to compile a list of dating guidelines based on my college dating experiences.

These guidelines have helped me over the last few years. The only times I have been wanting for dates is when men have thought that I was dating someone when I wasn't. When that happened, I was also letting some of these guidelines slide. And now I will never want for dates again because I am marrying my best friend and we have already decided to go on a date at least once a week.

1. Meet the guys at least half way. It is not up to the men to initiate friendships, ask out, and follow up on dates. I'm aware that there are some women who will not ask men on dates out of principle. If you're like that, that's fine, but it doesn't take you off the hook. No one is going to ask you out if you don't at least let the guy know that you're interested in friendship, in the very least. If you go on a date and you have a great time, let him know you want a second date. If you're getting frustrated waiting for him to ask you out, ask him out. It's not that hard and you'll show that you're independent.
2. Dress to impress. Seriously. If you're constantly hanging out with the guy you like in sweats, it's going to be harder for him to be attracted to you. Unless you're doing something active (hiking, frisbee, swimming, volleyball, etc.), or maybe you're having a late-night movie, look like you made an effort. Don't do your make up for the ladies, do it for the men. Wear flattering clothes. Don't dress like a skank unless you want to be treated like one, but do dress like you like yourself and your body. Dress like you find yourself attractive. If you think you're attractive, others will, too.
3. Make your intentions clear. Sure, mystery can be intriguing and sexy, but so much mystery that the guy is confused is just going to lead no where. If you are really good friends, it's ok to tell him that you'd like to go on a date with him sometime. If you're too shy to do that, that's ok, too. As Ursualla told Ariel, "Don't forget the importance of body language."
   
   Body language is great. Show men you're interested by touching their arms, leaning on their shoulders, subtle things like that. Men aren't stupid. They may be oblivious at times, but they can read the signs, at least to some degree. My fiance was one of the most oblivious people I'd ever met, but he could at least tell that I wanted to spend more time with him.
4. Make friends with men. When I first moved into my apartment complex, the first friends I made were men. I spent all my time hanging out with them. I'm very comfortable with that, since I have a hard time making friends with girls. I was interested in dating a couple of them, but I'm not their friend for that reason. I am their friend because I enjoy spending time with them. They are funny, smart, witty, and caring friends. The great thing about being friends that go one dates with all intentions out in the open is that I'm still friends with them, even though I'm no longer on the market.

There are my guidelines. They have served me well.

Fashion Week Spring RTW and Pre-Fall 2013

I've just got done looking at all the Spring RTW 2013 and Pre-Fall 2013 lines from my favorite designers. I know, I'm behind on this, but I've been busy getting engaged and stuff. I just want to say, I love where fashion is going. My favorite collection for Spring is by Marchesa. My favorite Pre-Fall collection is Chanel.

Marchesa's spring collection is pretty great. First off, they have beautiful tunics. I love tunics. They're super flattering and the length is just great. 

Georgina Chapman and Karen Craig are also very good with neutrals and colors. I loved that this collection went from neutrals to bright colors to deep, rich colors. The greatest thing about all these colors is that the pieces still look like they all belong in the same collection. With a lot of collections, using such a wide range of colors makes the pieces look disconnected and unprofessional as a whole collection. Not so with this collection!

Lastly, the draping is beautiful, as always. One thing that I have admired in many of Marchesa's collections is their master draping. What I love about this collection is the draping with different weights of fabric and the layering of drapes. 

The Chanel Pre-fall collection is by far my favorite collection this year. Why, do you ask? Because of the inspiration for it. It is very unique. The interesting thing about it is that I don't think I would wear any of the clothes in it. Besides the outerwear. There's some pretty great outerwear in the collection. 

I also love the collars. The cool thing about the collars is that they're collars that people would look at in history and go "no one would ever wear those again" but they're actually really cool. I could see people wearing most of these collars. 

Mostly, I love this collection because of the fine line between costume and fashion that it balances on. The inspiration for this line is clearly quite old. But it is surprisingly modern. Add a pair of heels and a nice, modern hair-do and you're good to go. 

A guide to viewing uncomfortable art

When I was 18, I went to New York City with my high school's art program. When we went to the Guggenheim, I was disappointed. I was so excited to see what the main show case would be. I'd seen pictures of previous show cases and they looked so cool. When we arrived at the museum, I was under the impression that they were between shows. The main corridor, which is cylindrical, several stories high, and surrounded by a spiraling pathway, appeared to be completely void of any art. After walking up a few floors, I noticed a couple making out on the floor. I thought that was horribly rude and inappropriate. After walking for a while longer, I realized there was something odd about this couple. Not only were they both wearing completely gray, they were perfectly mirroring each other. I realized they were not actually making out, but dancers, and the exhibit. I was still disappointed.

I was disappointed because the exhibit made me feel uncomfortable, and not for any obvious reason. I could see no social criticism, no call to action, no eye-opening agenda. It appeared that the point of the exhibit was to show the juxtaposition of love and symmetry. This isn't new, it's not a call to action, it's not anything that I haven't seen before. I was not impressed.

One of the teachers saw me leaning against the railing, and came over to talk to me. He asked me why I looked so glum, and I told him my problem with the exhibit. I don't remember much of our conversation, but I do remember one thing he said to me. He said, "If you can't see past the sex, you're never going to be able to see the value."

I might remember that quote because it was the only thing he said that I didn't agree with at the time. I might remember it because it made sense to me in other aspects of art. I don't know because I don't remember anything else from that conversation.

I still don't agree with what he said in relation to that art exhibit; however, I have come to understand exactly what he means. I cannot look at that exhibit and see the value because I already know there's no call to arms and I've never liked seeing people make out. It makes me completely uncomfortable. (Note: My roommate put my opinion of this into a great statement: You can make out in front of people that you have birthed/raised. No one else.) However, there is a current and relevant piece of art that deserves this statement.

Les Miserables is a beautiful movie. The message is wonderful. It's an obvious call to arms. It's touching; it almost made me cry (I have only cried at one movie ever and no books). Many of the characters have uncomfortable moments.

Anne Hathaway's character, Fantine, is one of the most touching, inspirational characters. Just a brief overview for those of you who don't know who Fantine is. Fantine is a single mother that works in a factory owned by Jean Valjean. When the other women in the factory gang up on Fantine, the foreman fires her. Fantine's daughter, Cosette, is being housed at an inn, and Fantine needs money in order to keep her daughter safe from the streets. She sells what appears to be all her possessions, including her hair and some teeth. Eventually she becomes a prostitute.

In the movie that was just released, there is no sugar coating. Fantine's fall down to the lowest a woman (or man) can go is shown, not implied. It makes the viewer uncomfortable. I do not think it is over the top. In fact, I think this scene is genius. There is no nudity and no desire. There is crying, singing, and overwhelming emotion.

This scene could ruin an entire movie for people who cannot see past the sex. For those who can, it amplifies the message of Les Miserables. Les Miserables is a call to arms. It is a social critique. It may not be new, but it is timeless. While the novel by Victor Hugo is extremely long and very hard to get through, it is a story worth telling. No one can put it better than the preface of the novel:

    So long as there shall exist, by virtue of law and custom, decrees of damnation pronounced by society,    artificially creating hells amid the civilization of earth, and adding the element of human fate to divine destiny ... so long as social asphyxia is possible in any part of the world ... so long as ignorance and poverty exist on earth, books of the nature of Les Miserables cannot fail to be of use.

And that is the reason I am okay with every part of Les Miserables. It is a story that "cannot fail to be of use." 

Les Mis is just one example of looking past the uncomfortable feelings to find the true meaning. For some, it may not even be uncomfortable. Some people may not be able to look past the sex to find the meaning in a different way. Any way you look at it, you're missing a message if you get hung up on the way the message is given. Yes, some artists take it too far. And some people may be able to see the message, but the uncomfortable feelings are more powerful to them than the message. That is a personal decision and no one can judge you for it.

When it comes to art, no one should just blow it off because they are uncomfortable. Instead, everyone needs to think about why they are uncomfortable. Is it because something is being shown that shouldn't be, or is it because something is being brought to your attention that you should think about but don't want to?

Stop and smell the roses

This may not be what I see, but I really don't feel like finding a camera. 

As I look out the window of the house I grew up in, I see at least 50 trees taller than the houses, barren of leaves and covered with snow and ice. The houses all have well kept yards and Christmas decorations. None of them look like they're about to collapse. A few inches of fresh snow lay on the ground, and Jeremiah is shoveling the driveway. I'm wearing my warmest sweater, and it isn't too warm. I'm sitting in a clean house with a beautiful Christmas tree, several Nativities, and Christmas music softly playing. And I realize that I am grateful for these simple things.

Growing up I hated snow. My mom's Christmas tree skills were a given. I never even thought of appreciating trees. I hated hearing the wind rattle my bedroom window at night and I didn't like that I needed to wear a sweater. It bothered me that my mom would ask me to pick up my trails. Nativities made me a little stressed because there were so many.

I didn't get to see a decent snowfall last year. Where I live now doesn't get decent snow. When I came home for Christmas it rained and didn't snow again until the day I left to go back to school. The mountains I went back to were brown with dead trees on them.

For the last year I have wanted to see something beautiful. I have to go into the mountains to find that in Utah and I'm used to looking out my window to find beautiful nature. In the spring the greens are bright green at home. Summers are covered with flowers. Falls are covered with bright reds, oranges, and yellows. Hardly anything is brown. In Utah, everything looks a little brown to me.

This past year has been a time where I learned to appreciate the things that are so easily overlooked. I never thought that I would miss trees. I definitely never thought I would miss wind. Now that I have missed these things, I will never overlook them. I can appreciate them now.

Why do I share this story? Because I think this is something that people must learn. So many people focus on the bad things in their lives. They focus on what they can't do, what they can't fix, etc. People get discouraged from the littlest things. Then they confuse discouragement with depression and think that something is wrong with them.

Stop and smell the roses is actually really good advice. As long as you're not allergic to roses. But really, when you're feeling discouraged, just find the beauty around you. Beauty to you might be outdoors, like it is for me. It could be in your apartment, from your friends, at a local coffee shop. If we all stop focusing on ourselves so much, we would be a much happier people.

Hipster glasses: How to wear them

I believe fashion is meant to make us look our best. Clothes and accessories need to compliment our features and not bring out our flaws or create flaws. Thick-rimmed hipster glasses are something that not everyone can wear, because they draw so much attention to the face and how it's shaped. There are three things everyone should pay attention to when they're picking any glasses, and especially if they want to wear hipster glasses.

1. Nose Size and Shape. I think this is obvious. Glasses sit on your nose. Therefore, they draw attention to your nose. Over-sized, thick-rimmed glasses that are so popular among hipsters draw more attention to your nose than any other type of glasses. This is because they literally frame your nose. The larger the glasses, the more attention is drawn towards your nose. If you have a larger nose, these glasses will frame that largeness and make your nose look even bigger. If your nose isn't really that big, but the angle of it follows the rims of the glasses exactly, it will also make your nose bigger. If your nose is super small, it will make your nose look even smaller, sometimes to the point of ridiculousness. There is a very small nose-size range that these glasses will actually compliment. These noses are of average size, straight, and smooth. The angle follows the glasses rim for a bit and then separates from the glasses.
   
   If you have a big or small nose and you like interesting frames, I suggest skinnier glasses with a colored frame. These glasses are still a statement, but they draw the eye horizontally rather than vertically, bringing out your eyes, cheek bones, and brow rather than your nose.
2. Face Size. Another common issue I see with big glasses is the glasses to face ratio. I see a lot of people whose faces are being eaten by their glasses. If you have a small face, you need to adjust the size of the glasses and the thickness of the rims accordingly. If you want large lenses, then you need thinner frames. If you want thick frames, you need smaller lenses. If the first thing you see when you look at your face is your glasses, they're not proportioned correctly. You should show off your beautiful face, and stop hiding behind big, clunky glasses.
3. Profile shape. This is my biggest problem with hipster glasses. I think they look like Mr. Potato Head glasses, and this is mostly why. A lot of people that wear these glasses have extreme profiles. They either have flat faces or very angular faces. I'm going to start with flat faces.
   
   If you have a flat face and wear big glasses, the glasses are going to end up making most of the shape to your face when viewed from the side. This means it's going to diminish the delicate curves and angles that make up your facial structure. I've often said people with flatter faces wearing hipster glasses looks "muppety." Basically, I'm saying it removes the angles of your face, which essentially makes faces look like a Muppet. This can be avoided by simply adjusting the size of your glasses to accentuate your beautiful, delicate nose, rather than hiding it.
   
   Angular faces have the opposite problem. As I said before, big glasses draw the eye in a vertical direction. This means your Roman nose, Jewish nose, Adrian Brody nose, etc. will be accentuated beyond the point of reason. Don't get me wrong, these noses are great. I'm a huge fan of interesting noses. However, accentuating an angular, large nose to the extent that hipster glasses do will diminish all other facial features to the point of not noticing them. I don't think anyone wants people to only see their nose. Again, this can be fixed by adjusting the size of your glasses to diminish the impact of your nose while still highlighting its uniqueness. 

There you have it, Steph's guide to wearing hipster glasses. I used to say these glasses just never look good. However, I have matured in the past year or so on these types of matters. Every accessory or clothing style will look good on someone. There are just some things, like hipster glasses, that people need to be more selective about before wearing. 

Turn the frown upside down

One smile will spread to others. Add a silly hat and smiles will spread like something super spreadable.

With finals just around the corner, I've been seeing and hearing a lot of depressing statements. Usually I would ignore this just like every other year, but this year is a little different. This year I've been seeing these types of things (on Facebook) more from people who aren't in school more than people who are in school. I've been hearing these statements for a long time with no looming exams to initiate them. I've decided I want to share my opinion on these pessimistic and depressing statements.

I've never understood pessimists. I've never understood how you can live your life always looking at the bad side of things. I don't understand how you can enjoy life that way. Perhaps I'm missing something. I'm not saying that nothing bad will ever happen. I'm simply saying it's not as bad as you think. I have a theory that whatever you think will happen will end up happening. If you think you'll fail a test then you'll fail it, even if the score you got is higher than the score you were expecting. You'll still see it as failure because you've convinced yourself that you cannot pass. If you go into a relationship thinking it's going to end, it will. Not because either of you is a horrible person, but because you cannot put sufficient effort into something that you don't see working. (I usually say why start in the first place when I don't think it's going to work, but maybe I'm just weird.)

I also don't understand perpetual down-putting of yourself or complaining about your life. If your life is so bad, why not change it? You have control over your life. No one else can control it for you. I suggest finding the thing in your life that is causing your issues and find a way to fix it. This might not be particularly easy, but it's not impossible. If you hate that you have a lot of debt, stop spending money you don't have. Get a second job so you can pay off the debt you do have. If you don't like where you live, move. If your friends depress you, get new friends.

If you suffer from putting yourself down, just stop. People always tell me that it's not that simple, but I'm living proof that it is. For those of you that are religious, let's have a moment here. God does not put bad thoughts about yourself in your head. God loves you, no matter who you are or what you've done. Satan puts those thoughts in your head. Satan hates you. He's miserable and wants you to be miserable like him. Luckily, you have one thing that Satan does not have. You have a body. Everyone with a body inherently has power over those without a body. Do you realize what that means? That means that you can tell Satan to get out of your head and he has to obey you. That doesn't mean he's gone forever, but, you can pray to God and ask him for help and Satan will stay away longer. It's great.

If you are not religious, then that last bit probably sounded super weird and superstitious to you. I'm not sure how to battle self-esteem issues and not be religious about it, since I am religious, but I think there are some things that can transfer over. If you think ill of yourself, you can push those thoughts from your head. Be stubborn about it and don't let them back in. Every time you think ill of yourself, think two good thoughts about yourself. I was told once that this leads to more bad thoughts, but, seriously, just stop. All you need are two good thoughts. Unless you have some type of preexisting mental health issue, you should be able to control your thoughts. Start this early and your thoughts won't lead to a mental health issue later. (Note: I am fully aware that there are several types of mental health issues that are completely out of your control. I am simply talking about mental health issues that are in your control. Many self-esteem issues are initially in your control.)

I want to issue a challenge to anyone reading this that suffers from perpetual pessimism and general depressingness (like my word? I do). For the next week, don't think about how things can go bad. If you are convinced that something will go bad, just admit that it's out of your control and try your hardest to keep it from being super bad. Push bad thoughts from your mind and replace them with good ones. Lastly, but not even nearly leastly, smile. Every time you feel like the world is going collapse in on you and your life sucks and you hate everything, just smile. My mom used to tell us to flex our smile muscles when we insisted that we were so mad that we can't smile. So, flex those smile muscles and keep flexing them. Something happens in your body and you'll soon not be so mad and depressing. Others will want to be around you more and you'll just feel generally good about yourself. So do it, for just a week, and see if it works. I can promise you, if you really try, it will work.

Let's all be logical here

I really like logic. Logic puzzles have always been some of my favorite things to do. I also tend to be logical  in my views, opinions, and decisions. Recently, it has come to my attention that this is not as normal as I thought. I have decided to share my views on being logical and being illogical. 

I will admit that there are times when being illogical and even unreasonable are exactly what you need to do. I have done this before. I once was freaking out and some of my roommates were telling me things that I already knew. It was really bothering me, since I hate being told things I already know; I find it pointless. I finally told one of my roommates that I wanted to be irrational. She sat down with me and we came up with increasingly more irrational scenarios. I ended up laughing and everything was fine. 

I have come up with a list of reasons I find appropriate for illogical thinking.

1. When you are incredibly stressed and need a break from the world.
2. When you're pregnant or have some other type of hormone craziness going on.
3. When you're brainstorming.
4. When nothing seems to be working and you just need the world to revolve around you for a minute. (Unless you're a pessimist and you never think anything is working. Then you just need to cheer up.)

I have also come up with a list of reasons people tend to be illogical when I don't think it's appropriate.

1. Money issues. I have never understood why people are illogical about money. I completely understand the urge to buy new clothes or a new gadget or whatever your weakness is, but I don't understand why anyone would buy something when they don't have enough money for food or rent. It's completely illogical. It's also illogical to think you have to spend money as soon as you make it. Save up for things. Save up for emergencies! Have emergency funds! Follow a budget. I just don't understand illogical money use.
2. Relationships. I'm talking about all types of relationships, not just romantic ones. If you tell someone not to get you a present, you can't logically get mad when you don't get a present. If being super close friends with someone is causing you more stress than joy, it's only logical to distance yourself from that person. 
3. Cleaning. I just don't understand not being clean. I'm not perfect at keeping my apartment clean. I will never say I am, but I do try to pick up after myself. It's logical to do that. If I borrow something, I pick it up. I don't understand how it makes any sense to use someone else's thing and then expect that person to clean it up. It's only logical to pick things up as soon as you are done with them. 

Logical thinking can relieve a lot of stress. I'm going to share a story where logical thinking helped me make one of the best and hardest decisions of my life. It is about my wonderful fiance! I decided in late October that I wanted to decide once and for all whether I was going to marry Jeremiah or not. I knew that marrying him would not be a bad thing, so I decided to identify exactly what was holding me back. After thinking about it, I was able to identify two distinct reasons why I couldn't decide. The first I quickly resolved by deciding it was a stupid reason. I realize that this might seem weird to many, but there are just some things that we think matter, but, when all things are considered, they just don't. The other reason was a problem I have had my entire life and it's not really a problem. It was my age, but I have always felt too young. I still feel like I'm too young to be living on my own, working, going to school, supporting myself, etc. Really, I'm perfectly capable of it. So that reason was also put in the "doesn't matter" pile. After that, I had absolutely no problem with marrying Jeremiah and all the stress I felt about our relationship vanished. I'm so glad I worked through that, because he is an even better fiance than he was a boyfriend and I have no doubt that he will be an even better husband. 

Logical thinking has also helped me with my money. I'm not rich by any means, and I can't have all of the luxuries I grew up with, but I can live comfortably. It's not because I make tons of money; it's because I think before I spend. I completely understand wanting new things. My weakness is music and clothes. Since I'm currently saving everything for my wedding, I have had to ban myself from music stores. I went in one a few weeks ago and it was incredibly hard to leave one of the books I found. I still feel like I need it, but logic tells me that I will live, so I must not give in and go buy it. While I can find cute clothes and not feel like I need them in my life, I also tend to want new clothes more when I know I can't have them. When I get this feeling, I have to ask myself if I am naked. Since I am not naked, I do not need new clothes. Logic dictates this.

Logic can be used in any situation and a better outcome will come of it. I give a 95 percent guarantee. That 5 percent is only there for those people that just insist that everything is bad all the time and nothing good will ever happen. Logic will help you in school. It will help you in your career. Logic is your friend. It will never abandon you and it will make your life better. 

Really, I just don't understand being illogical. It's illogical to be illogical. I don't know how the comments about my logic were meant to be taken, but they haven't sounded like compliments. However, I will take them as compliments. I wish the world were logical. I really think everyone would get along so much better if logic was used more often. I've noticed that illogical people are easily offended and are hard to be around (only because it's hard to be logical around illogical people, which makes thinking before you speak more important and twice as hard). I challenge everyone to think logically before making a decision. Decisions made from an illogical state of mind will very rarely end in success.