Do no harm: Feminism from the point of view of a strong-willed non-feminist

I just read a very good article about how feminism affects men. I agree with the entire article, but it did get me thinking about men's role in feminism.

I don't claim to be a feminist. I don't feel like society is making it hard for me to be all the woman that I want to be. Perhaps it's because I've never really felt like I fit in with women. I grew up with only brothers. My closest friend in elementary school was a boy. In 5th grade I decided to learn the drums, and it wasn't to prove a point like the only other girl I knew who was also learning drums. I picked it because I wanted an outlet and I thought it would be fun. From that point on I knew I had to prove myself, and I rose to the challenge. I was the first 7th grader from my middle school to go to state on anything for the state music competition, and I went on a solo. I was in several honors bands and I was first chair in many of them. I was snare captain of the drumline and drum co-captain the next year. In college, I have been in two bands. One I was asked to join because they needed more percussionists and I can play 4-mallets.

When it comes to "being in the world of men," I have never felt wrongfully challenged. When I have been challenged by a guy, it was either because I was too shy to show what I could really do, or, in one case, the guy was so absorbed in himself that he couldn't take any direction. I didn't take that one personally because he treated a lot of the guys the same way.

The only times I have felt wrongfully challenged have been by women. In high school I lost drum captainship for unknown reasons, but I can reasonably assume based on following actions that it was because my female band director did not like me. I personally think she felt threatened by me because she was always talking about how hard it was to be a woman in a "man's profession" and she hated that I was thriving on a "man's instrument." The only other time was in college. The band I was offered a place in had 3 guy percussionists and 2 girls. One of those girls seemed to hate me. She couldn't let me do anything without first showing me how. It was very frustrating to me because I could not offer any help to her. She was very catty and seemed to hate that I didn't have to audition. The guys, however, readily accepted me. When they offered me help, they would do it nicely and ask first.

So what was the point of that story? So you can understand my opinion of many feminists. Based on my experience, confidence is the number 1 factor in being accepted somewhere. While I know that sexism does exist, most of  the stories I have been pesronally told (not read) sound like the woman is being too sensitive. It also seems like a lot of women put themselves in situations that they cannot handle. So many women go into a male-dominated situation and immediately try to "be one of the guys" but get offended when they are treated like a man. They then start to hate men, call them pigs and claim to be injured in some way.

Feminists that I respect are women who go into the world and act like women and expect to be treated with respect. These are the people who can speak for the rights of women and get attention. I may not agree with everything they say, but I can respect where they are coming from.

So where do men play into all of this? Are they hurt by feminism? My answer is yes and no. I'll start first with no.

The way I understand feminism is that women want an equal position in the world as men. In marriage, that does not mean the wife dominates the husband. It means the wife gets equal say as the husband. In the work place it means that women have every opportunity men are given based on equal qualification. It means that women have just as much chance of acheiving any goal as men.

When this is the goal, there is no harm to men. The only harm men can possibly get from this type of feminism is self-inflicted. The men who are threatened by strong women need to grow up. When it comes to ability, men and women are pretty evenly matched unless a physical element is brought in. Men who don't want to be up for a promotion against a woman should stop whining and work harder to get that promotion. I can tell you, most women have already worked pretty darn hard to get on equal footing as men in most offices.

However, there are types of feminism that severely harm men. Women who take their feminism too far, put down men, under-value men's contributions to society and claim they can do everything without men is harmful. That does not build women up, it simply tears men down. While this is not the goal of most feminist organizations, it seems to be the goal of many women. I understand that these women were probably hurt at one point, but it just shows an immaturity on their part. There is nothing different between that and men claiming superiority over women. No one is superior based on sex. Women who fall under this category not only harm men, they harm women.

The Society you Created

I recently wrote a paper about how society has effected the ideal female figure from the 18th-20th centuries. It was quite fascinating to me how a small change in the way women acted made a big change in the way women were depicted. It got me thinking about why the ideal figure is what it is today. I've got a theory and I think it's pretty good so I'm going to share it with you! How fun.

Many people blame fashion and media industries for the way women are depicted. Technically, this is true because these are the only industries that regularly depict people, but the blame cannot all be on them. The fashion industry bases their ideal figure off of what sells and what society wants. I also have a theory about why society has created this image, at least in western societies that are predominately Caucasian.

Fashion

The fashion industry is not an all-powerful organization that decides what people want. It is a series of businesses that, through trial-and-error as well as observation of target audiences, has determined what will sell and how to sell it, just like any other business. So why does the shape of models sell?

The world today is very much about equality. No one should have to change for anyone else. There should be products available for all types of people. In fashion, that means there should be clothes for all body types.

This has produced today's ideal model. She is tall and skinny, with wider shoulders than hips, B to C cup breasts, and a narrow waist. How did this come about? It's because she is a woman of no extremes. Let's take other body types into account here.

Straight women (very small, if any, curves) often want to look like they have more curves. This is often done by cinching the waist. Outfits that have this feature make waists look smaller on most body types, so most body types will work for this group of people.

However, there are also women that are perfect hourglasses, going on extreme variations in their measurements. These women also tend to love making their waists look smaller, but they also want to play up their curves. Therefore, a woman with no curves would not be able to successfully sell clothes to the majority of these women. These women would buy clothes from any body type besides straight.

Then there are triangle or pear shaped women. These women have large hips and small torsos. They usually want to narrow their hips and play up their torsos. Straight women wouldn't work because of their flat chests, and hourglasses would have a hard time, too, because of their evenness. Triangle shapes won't look to hourglasses because they don't have compatible hips. What looks flattering on an hourglass will often emphasize hips on triangles.

And now we come to apples. Women who are apple shaped are the same shape as a model, but have a tummy. They tend to emphasize their legs and chest, and down play their stomachs. This means any outfit that emphasizes the waist or hips is out. That means any model that has big hips or no curves cannot successfully sell clothes to these women. These women will buy clothes from women emphasize long legs and small hips.

So we get strawberry shaped women. This is the shape of a model, as long as she is also tall. This is why she is the ideal body type for the fashion industry:

1. She has a narrow waist which appeals to all body types except apple
2. She does not have a flat chest, which appeals to all body types.
3. She has narrow hips (but not as narrow as her waist), which appeals to all body types.
4. She has long legs, which appeals to all body types, especially apple. 
5. She has broad shoulders, which appeals to all body types, especially straight.

Now let's look at why the other body types are not the ideal shape in the fashion industry.

Straight

1. She has no defined waist, which does not appeal to hourglass, strawberry, or pear.
2. She has very little bust, if any, which does not appeal to hourglass, strawberry, pear, or apple.

Hourglass

1. She has large hips, which does not appeal to pears or apples.
2. She has curvy legs with larger thighs, which does not appeal to apples.

Pears

1. She has a small bust, which does not appeal to straight, hourglass, strawberry, or apple.
2. She has large hips, which does not appeal to apple.
3. She has curvy legs with larger thighs, which does not appeal to apple.

Apples

1. She does not have a defined waist, which does not appeal hourglass, strawberry, straight, or pear.
2. She has small hips, which does not appeal to hourglass, straight, or strawberry.

It can now be reasonably deduced that tall strawberry shapes are the least extreme, and, therefore, most versatile body shape for the act of selling clothing.

Society

Now we must look at why this body type sells, in fashion and media. It can't all be about selling clothing. There has to be a reason for her to be so prominent in the media as well. There is. It can be found in the ideal women have created for themselves.

Female relationships with males

Women today want to be equal with men. We want to be able to do everything that men can do and get equal pay and credit for it. We want to go to the same schools, work the same jobs, and participate in the same activities. We want to be seen as equally smart, hard-working, and athletic. 

When it comes to body shapes, the only equality we seek that plays into it is athletic. Athletes are often seen as having larger torsos than lower body. Most female athletes follow this idea of athleticism. They are usually strawberry shaped. Many of them would be straight if they were not athletes, because their broad shoulders have come from developing their muscles. It is very rare for short, extremely curvy women to become great athletes. Why? Being a short, curvy woman myself, I think it's because of our legs and chests. Short legs have to be taught to move differently than long legs if you want the same results in sports, and the process takes longer. Then there's our chests. Good sports bras for women with large chests are hard to find and expensive. I have never owned one. Because I've never owned one, it often hurts for me to jump around and run. I cannot be the only one with this issue.

On top of that, women also want to be just as fit as men traditionally have been. There is an emphasis on health and fitness like there's never been before. In history, men have been the fit, healthy, muscular ones because they've been the ones out doing manual labor. Now there's more and more office workers for both men and women, so society has compensated with exercise programs. That's why thin is in. Thin is in because we are a society of health nuts, often going in to the unhealthy because of cutting out food groups, fad diets, normal dieting, excessive exercise, and a general desire to always loose weight. You hardly ever hear about people maintaining weight. If you just go off the media, people lose weight until they're sickly and then they have to gain weight. No one ever points out that a celebrity has maintained a weight.

Female relationships with females

The difference between women seeking equality today and women seeking equality in the past is that we also want to be seen as women. This doesn't mean we want to be seen as damsels in distress or what have you, it means we don't want to be "one of the guys." Women today want to go to the office and then go out into the world and find a man. What she wants the man for is up to her, but that's what we want to do. 

We aren't the burning bras women of the past. We like our bras, well, most of us do. We simply want to be seen as a woman who works. No also, no shock, just women on the same field as men, but still women. We've gone beyond the straight ideal body type. We don't want to look like men. We haven't gone back to the extremely fertile and feminine body type, either. We don't want to be pushed into the home, even those of us that want to be stay-at-home mothers. Women today want their choices lain before them. 

Because we want to be seen as women, the time old practice of comparing ourselves is at its best. I don't know why women do this more than men. I don't think it's because of the media. The media has simply given us more women to compare ourselves to. If you read books from history about women (how to be a lady type things), women have always compared themselves. They have never wanted to be wearing the same thing at a party. It's always been common for women to try and out-dress each other. There is no difference between them and us in this field.

So how do we change the attitude towards women's bodies that is so prevalent in our society? We have to change ourselves. I, personally, think this is a great time to be a woman. In fashion, you can find clothing for your body type in every season. If you don't like the ideal women of Caucasian society, you can switch to the ideal woman of Latin, Black, Asian, or Arab society. Or any other society you want. It's up to you! We're now in a time when women decide our ideals, not men. Yes, we're still affected by men, but they do not hold all or even most of the say in what we look like or do. We are. 

The key to not being depressed about not looking like a model is to stop trying to be one. Understand what the purpose of a model is. Understand her her job. These women, yes, are beautiful, but the model you see is trying to sell you something. Do you really want to go through life always selling something, never looking like a woman and always like an ad? Cause if you replicate how these women look in the pictures you see of them, that's what you're doing. So stop blaming fashion and the media for your poor body image and embrace the woman that you are.