I've been thinking a lot about family recently. I have a little family right now and it's going to get bigger in March, so of course it's on my mind. But I want to expand on family. I want to go beyond siblings and parents. I want to talk about extended families and how important they are. My mom would always tell us friends may come and go, but family is forever all the time when I was little. It drove me nuts, but it's one of the most true statements I've ever heard.
I have three very different sides to my family. On one side, we don't really talk much. My dad moved the farthest away of his siblings. Most of his sisters still live in or around Portland, so we didn't see them a lot. However, we still enjoy each others company when we do manage to be in the same place at the same time and you can feel the love.
The other side of my dad's family talks even less. We see each other even less. I can't even remember meeting one of my aunts on that side. A lot of people who talk about their families and describe them like this tend to pair it with they don't really know or care about them. But I still know this side cares about me. And I hope they know that we care about them.
The last side of my family is incredibly close. My aunts and uncles on that side are spread across the Midwest and West, though they're moving into a more centralized location slowly. Even though there was distance between us, I still feel a strong connection to them. I know how they are doing and they know how I am doing. We're so close that I have been called an aunt to my baby cousins and now I've heard my cousins referred to as aunts and uncles to my unborn child. Granted, most of that comes from Grandma, who confuses her words a lot, but other people in the family have made the same slip.
So what's the point of this blog post? Because it never ceases to amaze me how important my extended family is to me and how much they care about me no matter which type of extended family they are. I never want to be separated from them. I wanted to share a few examples from my life about why family is so incredibly important and the many different ways I know love to be shown.
- I've had a few people question my relationship with one of my grandpas when they found out I can only remember talking to him on the phone once--when I got engaged. But I don't question how he works. One of my brothers is a lot like him. I think this is the hardest type of person to recognize love from, but, once you recognize it, it's amazing what you see. When we go visit him, he'll call us every time he changes location for hours before we're scheduled to arrive. Our theory is he's so worried he'll miss us that he's being extra careful he won't. When I called to tell him I was engaged and an estimate wedding date, he was the only family member who asked me more questions than just about my fiance and the upcoming wedding. In fact, he hardly asked about that at all. He congratulated me and proceeded to ask me questions about my schooling and work and life. When we visit him, he lets us do whatever we want. Once we visited him and basically slept through the entire visit. And he was fine with that! He went in a room with my dad and they talked music. When we woke up, he fed us the best salsa and refried beans in the area and we had a lovely time. I've never met someone who is so happy just to see his family. That, I tell you, is love. And I appreciate what he has taught me about recognizing love in quiet people.
- The other side of my dad's family shows love in the exact opposite way. I have a few different examples of their love and they're all good, so this section may be long.
First, I would like to share a story about my grandma. Close(ish) to two years ago, we surprised her for her birthday by showing up to her party. My older brother and I flew to Portland from school and my parents and other brother flew in from Wisconsin. Grandma hadn't seen my older brother for many years, and, when she saw him, she stopped her conversation with my dad, kind of pushed past him, screamed and hugged my brother for a very long time. It was as if she didn't even see the rest of us standing there waiting to surprise her. Of course, she had, and we visited and talked and caught up and it was great. I have never questioned that my grandparents love me or anyone else in my family because they won't let us.
Now for some cousin stories. The first time I realized that my cousins on that side of the family loved us, even though we are the oddball Midwestern family, is when we went to a reunion a few years ago. SO many cousins came up and hugged me and I only recognized one of them. And that was just through Facebook. It's kind of hard not to recognize the tall, bald cousin with an adorable little family. Especially when there's only one of them.
I have another cousin who is at BYU with me. We worked together my freshman year and she willing switched her custodial duties to cleaning toilets just so she could spend more time with me. I can go on much longer on all the ways she's shown me that she loves me even though we hardly saw each other growing up, but I think that's a pretty obvious way right there so I'll move on.
The last cousin story for this family I have is from my honeymoon. We started our cruise in Vancouver, BC. I knew I had family in that area, so I posted on Facebook that we would be there for a weekend if anyone wanted to visit with us. I wasn't really expecting much of a response, but I got one. We were asked if we could make it to Victoria, but we couldn't and those cousins were a little disappointed. We had other cousins who scheduled their trip to Vancouver around us so we'd be there at the same time. We met up with the cousins who live in Vancouver and got Ethiopian food (delicious) and went to a really awesome gellato place (also delicious). The thing is, we've hardly ever seen these cousins. They're actually my dad's cousins and we only see them at reunions. So if they weren't family, it would be kind of like making plans to meet obscure friends. But they are family, so nothing was obscure and we all had fun and it was wonderful just to visit. - My mom's side of the family is the closest extended family I have, as I mentioned. So I'm just going to mention a few of the most endearing things about them.
When I got engaged, my uncles were all concerned that Jeremiah would treat me right. They seemed more concerned than my parents (though I know if my parents thought that concern was necessary with Jer, they would have said something). Jer met all of those uncles before we were married.
My aunt tells my mom quite often that she hopes we stay in Utah because she likes having us around. She has us over once a month for dinner and has offered to help with our baby. She has four kids of her own and she wants to help with a baby. That, my friends, is love.
My aunts basically threw my open house in Utah. I just asked for their help and all I ended up doing was making some cookies and getting table clothes and napkins. They made everything pretty.
My little cousins have all been so excited to see me. I was always amazed that they remembered me at all. They've told me how skinny I am, how pretty I am, how talented I am (in a variety of ways) and have all gone through a stage of following me everywhere. Except one. I think she just wanted to be different. She's funny.
Most importantly is my grandparents. There's no way for me to express how much my grandparents love me and the rest of my family. My grandma always gets excited when I call. My grandpa took me to Idaho for a break from some very terrible roommates. They got me a Kitchenaid for Christmas this year. And not just any Kitchenaid, an artisan sized one. Because they found out I didn't have one. My grandparents will do anything for their children and their grandchildren.
