I don't claim to be a feminist. I don't feel like society is making it hard for me to be all the woman that I want to be. Perhaps it's because I've never really felt like I fit in with women. I grew up with only brothers. My closest friend in elementary school was a boy. In 5th grade I decided to learn the drums, and it wasn't to prove a point like the only other girl I knew who was also learning drums. I picked it because I wanted an outlet and I thought it would be fun. From that point on I knew I had to prove myself, and I rose to the challenge. I was the first 7th grader from my middle school to go to state on anything for the state music competition, and I went on a solo. I was in several honors bands and I was first chair in many of them. I was snare captain of the drumline and drum co-captain the next year. In college, I have been in two bands. One I was asked to join because they needed more percussionists and I can play 4-mallets.
When it comes to "being in the world of men," I have never felt wrongfully challenged. When I have been challenged by a guy, it was either because I was too shy to show what I could really do, or, in one case, the guy was so absorbed in himself that he couldn't take any direction. I didn't take that one personally because he treated a lot of the guys the same way.
The only times I have felt wrongfully challenged have been by women. In high school I lost drum captainship for unknown reasons, but I can reasonably assume based on following actions that it was because my female band director did not like me. I personally think she felt threatened by me because she was always talking about how hard it was to be a woman in a "man's profession" and she hated that I was thriving on a "man's instrument." The only other time was in college. The band I was offered a place in had 3 guy percussionists and 2 girls. One of those girls seemed to hate me. She couldn't let me do anything without first showing me how. It was very frustrating to me because I could not offer any help to her. She was very catty and seemed to hate that I didn't have to audition. The guys, however, readily accepted me. When they offered me help, they would do it nicely and ask first.
So what was the point of that story? So you can understand my opinion of many feminists. Based on my experience, confidence is the number 1 factor in being accepted somewhere. While I know that sexism does exist, most of the stories I have been pesronally told (not read) sound like the woman is being too sensitive. It also seems like a lot of women put themselves in situations that they cannot handle. So many women go into a male-dominated situation and immediately try to "be one of the guys" but get offended when they are treated like a man. They then start to hate men, call them pigs and claim to be injured in some way.
So where do men play into all of this? Are they hurt by feminism? My answer is yes and no. I'll start first with no.
The way I understand feminism is that women want an equal position in the world as men. In marriage, that does not mean the wife dominates the husband. It means the wife gets equal say as the husband. In the work place it means that women have every opportunity men are given based on equal qualification. It means that women have just as much chance of acheiving any goal as men.
When this is the goal, there is no harm to men. The only harm men can possibly get from this type of feminism is self-inflicted. The men who are threatened by strong women need to grow up. When it comes to ability, men and women are pretty evenly matched unless a physical element is brought in. Men who don't want to be up for a promotion against a woman should stop whining and work harder to get that promotion. I can tell you, most women have already worked pretty darn hard to get on equal footing as men in most offices.
However, there are types of feminism that severely harm men. Women who take their feminism too far, put down men, under-value men's contributions to society and claim they can do everything without men is harmful. That does not build women up, it simply tears men down. While this is not the goal of most feminist organizations, it seems to be the goal of many women. I understand that these women were probably hurt at one point, but it just shows an immaturity on their part. There is nothing different between that and men claiming superiority over women. No one is superior based on sex. Women who fall under this category not only harm men, they harm women.
