Do no harm: Feminism from the point of view of a strong-willed non-feminist

I just read a very good article about how feminism affects men. I agree with the entire article, but it did get me thinking about men's role in feminism.

I don't claim to be a feminist. I don't feel like society is making it hard for me to be all the woman that I want to be. Perhaps it's because I've never really felt like I fit in with women. I grew up with only brothers. My closest friend in elementary school was a boy. In 5th grade I decided to learn the drums, and it wasn't to prove a point like the only other girl I knew who was also learning drums. I picked it because I wanted an outlet and I thought it would be fun. From that point on I knew I had to prove myself, and I rose to the challenge. I was the first 7th grader from my middle school to go to state on anything for the state music competition, and I went on a solo. I was in several honors bands and I was first chair in many of them. I was snare captain of the drumline and drum co-captain the next year. In college, I have been in two bands. One I was asked to join because they needed more percussionists and I can play 4-mallets.

When it comes to "being in the world of men," I have never felt wrongfully challenged. When I have been challenged by a guy, it was either because I was too shy to show what I could really do, or, in one case, the guy was so absorbed in himself that he couldn't take any direction. I didn't take that one personally because he treated a lot of the guys the same way.

The only times I have felt wrongfully challenged have been by women. In high school I lost drum captainship for unknown reasons, but I can reasonably assume based on following actions that it was because my female band director did not like me. I personally think she felt threatened by me because she was always talking about how hard it was to be a woman in a "man's profession" and she hated that I was thriving on a "man's instrument." The only other time was in college. The band I was offered a place in had 3 guy percussionists and 2 girls. One of those girls seemed to hate me. She couldn't let me do anything without first showing me how. It was very frustrating to me because I could not offer any help to her. She was very catty and seemed to hate that I didn't have to audition. The guys, however, readily accepted me. When they offered me help, they would do it nicely and ask first.

So what was the point of that story? So you can understand my opinion of many feminists. Based on my experience, confidence is the number 1 factor in being accepted somewhere. While I know that sexism does exist, most of  the stories I have been pesronally told (not read) sound like the woman is being too sensitive. It also seems like a lot of women put themselves in situations that they cannot handle. So many women go into a male-dominated situation and immediately try to "be one of the guys" but get offended when they are treated like a man. They then start to hate men, call them pigs and claim to be injured in some way.

Feminists that I respect are women who go into the world and act like women and expect to be treated with respect. These are the people who can speak for the rights of women and get attention. I may not agree with everything they say, but I can respect where they are coming from.

So where do men play into all of this? Are they hurt by feminism? My answer is yes and no. I'll start first with no.

The way I understand feminism is that women want an equal position in the world as men. In marriage, that does not mean the wife dominates the husband. It means the wife gets equal say as the husband. In the work place it means that women have every opportunity men are given based on equal qualification. It means that women have just as much chance of acheiving any goal as men.

When this is the goal, there is no harm to men. The only harm men can possibly get from this type of feminism is self-inflicted. The men who are threatened by strong women need to grow up. When it comes to ability, men and women are pretty evenly matched unless a physical element is brought in. Men who don't want to be up for a promotion against a woman should stop whining and work harder to get that promotion. I can tell you, most women have already worked pretty darn hard to get on equal footing as men in most offices.

However, there are types of feminism that severely harm men. Women who take their feminism too far, put down men, under-value men's contributions to society and claim they can do everything without men is harmful. That does not build women up, it simply tears men down. While this is not the goal of most feminist organizations, it seems to be the goal of many women. I understand that these women were probably hurt at one point, but it just shows an immaturity on their part. There is nothing different between that and men claiming superiority over women. No one is superior based on sex. Women who fall under this category not only harm men, they harm women.

Friends may come and go, but family is forever

I haven't written in my blog since I got married and I'm not sorry about that. I've been enjoying my husband and working hard in school and at my job. Today I have some free time and a thought, so I figured a blog post would be a great place to put that thought.

I've been thinking a lot about family recently. I have a little family right now and it's going to get bigger in March, so of course it's on my mind. But I want to expand on family. I want to go beyond siblings and parents. I want to talk about extended families and how important they are. My mom would always tell us friends may come and go, but family is forever all the time when I was little. It drove me nuts, but it's one of the most true statements I've ever heard.

I have three very different sides to my family. On one side, we don't really talk much. My dad moved the farthest away of his siblings. Most of his sisters still live in or around Portland, so we didn't see them a lot. However, we still enjoy each others company when we do manage to be in the same place at the same time and you can feel the love.

The other side of my dad's family talks even less. We see each other even less. I can't even remember meeting one of my aunts on that side. A lot of people who talk about their families and describe them like this tend to pair it with they don't really know or care about them. But I still know this side cares about me. And I hope they know that we care about them. 

The last side of my family is incredibly close. My aunts and uncles on that side are spread across the Midwest and West, though they're moving into a more centralized location slowly. Even though there was distance between us, I still feel a strong connection to them. I know how they are doing and they know how I am doing. We're so close that I have been called an aunt to my baby cousins and now I've heard my cousins referred to as aunts and uncles to my unborn child. Granted, most of that comes from Grandma, who confuses her words a lot, but other people in the family have made the same slip.

So what's the point of this blog post? Because it never ceases to amaze me how important my extended family is to me and how much they care about me no matter which type of extended family they are. I never want to be separated from them. I wanted to share a few examples from my life about why family is so incredibly important and the many different ways I know love to be shown.

1. I've had a few people question my relationship with one of my grandpas when they found out I can only remember talking to him on the phone once--when I got engaged. But I don't question how he works. One of my brothers is a lot like him. I think this is the hardest type of person to recognize love from, but, once you recognize it, it's amazing what you see. When we go visit him, he'll call us every time he changes location for hours before we're scheduled to arrive. Our theory is he's so worried he'll miss us that he's being extra careful he won't. When I called to tell him I was engaged and an estimate wedding date, he was the only family member who asked me more questions than just about my fiance and the upcoming wedding. In fact, he hardly asked about that at all. He congratulated me and proceeded to ask me questions about my schooling and work and life. When we visit him, he lets us do whatever we want. Once we visited him and basically slept through the entire visit. And he was fine with that! He went in a room with my dad and they talked music. When we woke up, he fed us the best salsa and refried beans in the area and we had a lovely time. I've never met someone who is so happy just to see his family. That, I tell you, is love. And I appreciate what he has taught me about recognizing love in quiet people.
2. The other side of my dad's family shows love in the exact opposite way. I have a few different examples of their love and they're all good, so this section may be long.
   
   First, I would like to share a story about my grandma. Close(ish) to two years ago, we surprised her for her birthday by showing up to her party. My older brother and I flew to Portland from school and my parents and other brother flew in from Wisconsin. Grandma hadn't seen my older brother for many years, and, when she saw him, she stopped her conversation with my dad, kind of pushed past him, screamed and hugged my brother for a very long time. It was as if she didn't even see the rest of us standing there waiting to surprise her. Of course, she had, and we visited and talked and caught up and it was great. I have never questioned that my grandparents love me or anyone else in my family because they won't let us.
   
   Now for some cousin stories. The first time I realized that my cousins on that side of the family loved us, even though we are the oddball Midwestern family, is when we went to a reunion a few years ago. SO many cousins came up and hugged me and I only recognized one of them. And that was just through Facebook. It's kind of hard not to recognize the tall, bald cousin with an adorable little family. Especially when there's only one of them.
   
   I have another cousin who is at BYU with me. We worked together my freshman year and she willing switched her custodial duties to cleaning toilets just so she could spend more time with me. I can go on much longer on all the ways she's shown me that she loves me even though we hardly saw each other growing up, but I think that's a pretty obvious way right there so I'll move on.
   
   The last cousin story for this family I have is from my honeymoon. We started our cruise in Vancouver, BC. I knew I had family in that area, so I posted on Facebook that we would be there for a weekend if anyone wanted to visit with us. I wasn't really expecting much of a response, but I got one. We were asked if we could make it to Victoria, but we couldn't and those cousins were a little disappointed. We had other cousins who scheduled their trip to Vancouver around us so we'd be there at the same time. We met up with the cousins who live in Vancouver and got Ethiopian food (delicious) and went to a really awesome gellato place (also delicious). The thing is, we've hardly ever seen these cousins. They're actually my dad's cousins and we only see them at reunions. So if they weren't family, it would be kind of like making plans to meet obscure friends. But they are family, so nothing was obscure and we all had fun and it was wonderful just to visit.
3. My mom's side of the family is the closest extended family I have, as I mentioned. So I'm just going to mention a few of the most endearing things about them.
   
   When I got engaged, my uncles were all concerned that Jeremiah would treat me right. They seemed more concerned than my parents (though I know if my parents thought that concern was necessary with Jer, they would have said something). Jer met all of those uncles before we were married.
   
   My aunt tells my mom quite often that she hopes we stay in Utah because she likes having us around. She has us over once a month for dinner and has offered to help with our baby. She has four kids of her own and she wants to help with a baby. That, my friends, is love.
   
   My aunts basically threw my open house in Utah. I just asked for their help and all I ended up doing was making some cookies and getting table clothes and napkins. They made everything pretty.
   
   My little cousins have all been so excited to see me. I was always amazed that they remembered me at all. They've told me how skinny I am, how pretty I am, how talented I am (in a variety of ways) and have all gone through a stage of following me everywhere. Except one. I think she just wanted to be different. She's funny.
   
   Most importantly is my grandparents. There's no way for me to express how much my grandparents love me and the rest of my family. My grandma always gets excited when I call. My grandpa took me to Idaho for a break from some very terrible roommates. They got me a Kitchenaid for Christmas this year. And not just any Kitchenaid, an artisan sized one. Because they found out I didn't have one. My grandparents will do anything for their children and their grandchildren.

Basically, family loves in all different ways. It is incredibly sad to me when someone shuts out their family for anything but the best of reasons (like health or safety concerns). If I could help all people see the ways that they are loved, I would. My only hope with this blog post is that maybe someone will read it and realize that their family loves them and they just haven't seen it yet.

Dove "Real Beauty" Campaign

Since Dove came out with their "Real Beauty" campaign in 2004 I have had a problem with it. I've understood where the company is coming from and I have thought that they have done it wrong. I don't like that they, like all other modeling jobs, stick to a narrow body type. Where are the apple shapes? Wear are the extreme pear shapes? Where are the ruler shapes? What about the strawberries? Sure, that's the shape of a model, but they're beautiful, too.I didn't like that they were trying to fight the over-sexualizing of women by using women in underwear.  People give Victoria's Secret a hard time because their models are so sexualized. I saw only three differences between Victoria's Secret and Dove.

1. Victoria's Secret sells bras, panties, lingerie, etc. Dove sells soap, deoderant, shampoos, etc.
2. Victoria's Secret models are very skinny with large breasts and fairly young. Dove models are extra curvy hourglasses that are late-20s and older. And none of the Dove models look like they really tone much.
3. Victoria's Secret models are wearing interesting bras and panties (lacy, piped, pushups, whatever you want). Dove models are wearing plain bras and panties.

Another thing that bothers me is their check-box pictures. I don't find this appropriate. Who said that freckles aren't beautiful? There are freckled models and actresses. Who said gray hair isn't beautiful? There are also older models and actresses that have gray hair. In fact, there are quite a few people who think grey hair is distinguished. I see no difference between men with grey hair and women with grey hair and I'm marrying a man that's going grey and I will never let him dye his hair. Why? Cause I think it's sexy. My mom also told him that, if he dies his hair, he can't marry me. So why can't women have grey hair and the beauty of it go unquestioned? And wrinkles! Everyone will get wrinkles at some point. But there's a difference between an older woman with wrinkles who has taken care of her skin and one who has not. Don't make excuses for people not taking care of themselves. It's lazy.

But the one that bothered me most was this one. Boy or babe? What the heck is that all about? Since when does having short hair make you a boy? And the girl doesn't even look boyish! She has a fairly feminine face! Perhaps it's just because my hair is always short that this one bothers me so much. It also makes it look like Dove was stretching since there's definitely models with short hair. Have they never watched America's Next Top Model? Someone always gets her head shaved. Short hair is beautiful and striking. It's for those of us that have a wild side but don't want it to be so in-your-face as it could be. We're bold and brave and aren't attached to our hair. We understand how freeing it is to get your hair off your neck! So are we boys or babes? Babes! There's never been a question! Even if a girl purposely wants to look like a boy, she's still a babe. You know why? Cause she's trying something different and being herself.

But what really got attention, I think, is their video, "Evolution." I get why it got so big, I really do, I just don't agree with it. The point of the campaign is to make us feel beautiful, right? So why would you point out that this one girl needs so much work done to get to billboard ready? How does that make her feel? Also, who doesn't look better after putting on makeup and doing her hair? If you don't look better, you're doing it wrong. Yes, there's photoshopping, but the whole beginning part is just rude. I get that it's supposed to point out that what we see in the media is not reality, but why do you have to start before hair and makeup? To prove your point? Well good for you. You've touched the souls of so many women, but you've made this model and probably many other models feel horrible, like they're only pretty if they have photoshop to touch them up, even if their hair and makeup is done and done well. Bravo.

But my opinion is changing about the campaign. Why? Cause I think they finally got it right with their new video, "Real Beauty Sketches." The video doesn't make a person feel ugly. It doesn't show us that "media" is horrible, even though it's media itself. Instead, the focus is on the body image of the women. It's pointing out that women see all their flaws. Do I think they picked the most drastic ones? Yes. Do I think that's ok? In this case, yes. It's like doing a study on body image. You're going to find people who have a good body image along with the people that have bad body image. They used the most extreme changes so that they could most effectively reach their target audience. Instead of making a group of people feel ugly, this one simply helps women feel more beautiful. Dove, give yourself a pat on the back. You've finally got it right. It may have taken nine years, but you did it.

The Society you Created

I recently wrote a paper about how society has effected the ideal female figure from the 18th-20th centuries. It was quite fascinating to me how a small change in the way women acted made a big change in the way women were depicted. It got me thinking about why the ideal figure is what it is today. I've got a theory and I think it's pretty good so I'm going to share it with you! How fun.

Many people blame fashion and media industries for the way women are depicted. Technically, this is true because these are the only industries that regularly depict people, but the blame cannot all be on them. The fashion industry bases their ideal figure off of what sells and what society wants. I also have a theory about why society has created this image, at least in western societies that are predominately Caucasian.

Fashion

The fashion industry is not an all-powerful organization that decides what people want. It is a series of businesses that, through trial-and-error as well as observation of target audiences, has determined what will sell and how to sell it, just like any other business. So why does the shape of models sell?

The world today is very much about equality. No one should have to change for anyone else. There should be products available for all types of people. In fashion, that means there should be clothes for all body types.

This has produced today's ideal model. She is tall and skinny, with wider shoulders than hips, B to C cup breasts, and a narrow waist. How did this come about? It's because she is a woman of no extremes. Let's take other body types into account here.

Straight women (very small, if any, curves) often want to look like they have more curves. This is often done by cinching the waist. Outfits that have this feature make waists look smaller on most body types, so most body types will work for this group of people.

However, there are also women that are perfect hourglasses, going on extreme variations in their measurements. These women also tend to love making their waists look smaller, but they also want to play up their curves. Therefore, a woman with no curves would not be able to successfully sell clothes to the majority of these women. These women would buy clothes from any body type besides straight.

Then there are triangle or pear shaped women. These women have large hips and small torsos. They usually want to narrow their hips and play up their torsos. Straight women wouldn't work because of their flat chests, and hourglasses would have a hard time, too, because of their evenness. Triangle shapes won't look to hourglasses because they don't have compatible hips. What looks flattering on an hourglass will often emphasize hips on triangles.

And now we come to apples. Women who are apple shaped are the same shape as a model, but have a tummy. They tend to emphasize their legs and chest, and down play their stomachs. This means any outfit that emphasizes the waist or hips is out. That means any model that has big hips or no curves cannot successfully sell clothes to these women. These women will buy clothes from women emphasize long legs and small hips.

So we get strawberry shaped women. This is the shape of a model, as long as she is also tall. This is why she is the ideal body type for the fashion industry:

1. She has a narrow waist which appeals to all body types except apple
2. She does not have a flat chest, which appeals to all body types.
3. She has narrow hips (but not as narrow as her waist), which appeals to all body types.
4. She has long legs, which appeals to all body types, especially apple. 
5. She has broad shoulders, which appeals to all body types, especially straight.

Now let's look at why the other body types are not the ideal shape in the fashion industry.

Straight

1. She has no defined waist, which does not appeal to hourglass, strawberry, or pear.
2. She has very little bust, if any, which does not appeal to hourglass, strawberry, pear, or apple.

Hourglass

1. She has large hips, which does not appeal to pears or apples.
2. She has curvy legs with larger thighs, which does not appeal to apples.

Pears

1. She has a small bust, which does not appeal to straight, hourglass, strawberry, or apple.
2. She has large hips, which does not appeal to apple.
3. She has curvy legs with larger thighs, which does not appeal to apple.

Apples

1. She does not have a defined waist, which does not appeal hourglass, strawberry, straight, or pear.
2. She has small hips, which does not appeal to hourglass, straight, or strawberry.

It can now be reasonably deduced that tall strawberry shapes are the least extreme, and, therefore, most versatile body shape for the act of selling clothing.

Society

Now we must look at why this body type sells, in fashion and media. It can't all be about selling clothing. There has to be a reason for her to be so prominent in the media as well. There is. It can be found in the ideal women have created for themselves.

Female relationships with males

Women today want to be equal with men. We want to be able to do everything that men can do and get equal pay and credit for it. We want to go to the same schools, work the same jobs, and participate in the same activities. We want to be seen as equally smart, hard-working, and athletic. 

When it comes to body shapes, the only equality we seek that plays into it is athletic. Athletes are often seen as having larger torsos than lower body. Most female athletes follow this idea of athleticism. They are usually strawberry shaped. Many of them would be straight if they were not athletes, because their broad shoulders have come from developing their muscles. It is very rare for short, extremely curvy women to become great athletes. Why? Being a short, curvy woman myself, I think it's because of our legs and chests. Short legs have to be taught to move differently than long legs if you want the same results in sports, and the process takes longer. Then there's our chests. Good sports bras for women with large chests are hard to find and expensive. I have never owned one. Because I've never owned one, it often hurts for me to jump around and run. I cannot be the only one with this issue.

On top of that, women also want to be just as fit as men traditionally have been. There is an emphasis on health and fitness like there's never been before. In history, men have been the fit, healthy, muscular ones because they've been the ones out doing manual labor. Now there's more and more office workers for both men and women, so society has compensated with exercise programs. That's why thin is in. Thin is in because we are a society of health nuts, often going in to the unhealthy because of cutting out food groups, fad diets, normal dieting, excessive exercise, and a general desire to always loose weight. You hardly ever hear about people maintaining weight. If you just go off the media, people lose weight until they're sickly and then they have to gain weight. No one ever points out that a celebrity has maintained a weight.

Female relationships with females

The difference between women seeking equality today and women seeking equality in the past is that we also want to be seen as women. This doesn't mean we want to be seen as damsels in distress or what have you, it means we don't want to be "one of the guys." Women today want to go to the office and then go out into the world and find a man. What she wants the man for is up to her, but that's what we want to do. 

We aren't the burning bras women of the past. We like our bras, well, most of us do. We simply want to be seen as a woman who works. No also, no shock, just women on the same field as men, but still women. We've gone beyond the straight ideal body type. We don't want to look like men. We haven't gone back to the extremely fertile and feminine body type, either. We don't want to be pushed into the home, even those of us that want to be stay-at-home mothers. Women today want their choices lain before them. 

Because we want to be seen as women, the time old practice of comparing ourselves is at its best. I don't know why women do this more than men. I don't think it's because of the media. The media has simply given us more women to compare ourselves to. If you read books from history about women (how to be a lady type things), women have always compared themselves. They have never wanted to be wearing the same thing at a party. It's always been common for women to try and out-dress each other. There is no difference between them and us in this field.

So how do we change the attitude towards women's bodies that is so prevalent in our society? We have to change ourselves. I, personally, think this is a great time to be a woman. In fashion, you can find clothing for your body type in every season. If you don't like the ideal women of Caucasian society, you can switch to the ideal woman of Latin, Black, Asian, or Arab society. Or any other society you want. It's up to you! We're now in a time when women decide our ideals, not men. Yes, we're still affected by men, but they do not hold all or even most of the say in what we look like or do. We are. 

The key to not being depressed about not looking like a model is to stop trying to be one. Understand what the purpose of a model is. Understand her her job. These women, yes, are beautiful, but the model you see is trying to sell you something. Do you really want to go through life always selling something, never looking like a woman and always like an ad? Cause if you replicate how these women look in the pictures you see of them, that's what you're doing. So stop blaming fashion and the media for your poor body image and embrace the woman that you are. 

Make-up: Culture and Reality

Throughout my life, I have heard many men (and some women) take a stand against make-up. Many of these stands have been directed at me, many of them have been directed at women in general. I have always hated this. Yes, hate is a strong word. It is appropriately used in this instance.

Why do I hate this so much? Because make-up is nothing to laugh at, that's why. True, there are plenty of women that have no idea how to properly use make-up. For most of these women, I would guess there was either no one there to teach them how to put on make-up, or they refused to listen and now they're suffering for it. However, when make-up is properly applied, it does wonders for a women, and not just for her features.

Properly applied make-up is not a fixing tool, but a balancing tool. Women wear make-up, not to "fix" their features, but to balance them out.

Foundation is used to balance skin tones. Women that rely on foundation often have splotchy skin or acne/acne scars. Foundation is used to balance out these colors and make the woman look healthier. Properly applied foundation cannot be seen. It is when too much or the wrong color or both is applied that foundation becomes an issue.

Mascara is used to widen eyes and lengthen eyelashes. Women that wear the proper amount of mascara often have short eyelashes, light eyelashes or blonde-tipped eyelashes (like me). Properly applied mascara is not chunky or thick. The mascara color flatters the eye color and doesn't drastically change the eyelashes. I use black mascara because my eyelashes go from very dark to very light. Wearing black mascara, for me, is just an extension of the dark part of my eyelashes. Women with light eyelashes should use browns. Mascara is incorrectly applied when the eyelashes are thick, chunky and look like a pencil can balance on them.

I could go through every type of make-up, but I won't. Every type of make-up is the same. Use the colors appropriate for the colors of your face and use them sparingly. Make-up choices should also be based on the formality of an event. (More make-up is acceptable at more formal events. I will probably get more into that in a different blog post.) It will make you look more confident and like you know what you're doing.

That's not even just an opinion. I read a wonderful article this morning that quotes a study performed at Harvard University that says the same thing. (The article talks about more than make-up. You should read it.)

In this study, people were shown pictures of women wearing no make-up, light make-up, and heavy make-up. The people responded with their first impressions of each woman. Women wearing light make-up looked more competent, trustworthy, and like-able than women with no make-up. Women wearing heavy make-up were still considered attractive, but they looked untrustworthy.

If this is true, then why do so many people have an issue with people wearing make-up? Well, I have a theory. I don't know why some women hate make-up. However, I think the make-up-hating men are victims of our culture.

Throughout history men and women have worn make-up. Especially when the world was run by nobles, the difference between male and female fashions, make-up included, were not that different. Starting in the mid- to late-eighteenth century, fashion for men became more "masculine." The middle-class started to rise at this time. Men went to work, women stayed home, and fashions started to emphasize these roles.

By the 19th century, an early business suit was the thing for men to wear. It was the uniform of a successful working man. As the working class became more important, make-up for men disappeared. Working men didn't have time for that nonsense. If a man wore make-up, he was soft, feminine, and not cut out for a world run by business.

So now make-up is just for women. With women and men filling the same roles in today's society, more men are starting to dislike make-up. Why? Because women can be successful in the work place and still wear make-up (therefore staying feminine). It's against the culture the developed world has been ingrained with for the past few centuries. These people against make-up say that it makes a woman look fake. I propose, however, that it is more a conflict of culture and reality than a perception of fakeness.

A Dating Guide From a Success Story

Successful dating is wonderfully fun.

There's been a focus on dating for the last few weeks in my circle of friends, especially those from church. I've decided to compile a list of dating guidelines based on my college dating experiences.

These guidelines have helped me over the last few years. The only times I have been wanting for dates is when men have thought that I was dating someone when I wasn't. When that happened, I was also letting some of these guidelines slide. And now I will never want for dates again because I am marrying my best friend and we have already decided to go on a date at least once a week.

1. Meet the guys at least half way. It is not up to the men to initiate friendships, ask out, and follow up on dates. I'm aware that there are some women who will not ask men on dates out of principle. If you're like that, that's fine, but it doesn't take you off the hook. No one is going to ask you out if you don't at least let the guy know that you're interested in friendship, in the very least. If you go on a date and you have a great time, let him know you want a second date. If you're getting frustrated waiting for him to ask you out, ask him out. It's not that hard and you'll show that you're independent.
2. Dress to impress. Seriously. If you're constantly hanging out with the guy you like in sweats, it's going to be harder for him to be attracted to you. Unless you're doing something active (hiking, frisbee, swimming, volleyball, etc.), or maybe you're having a late-night movie, look like you made an effort. Don't do your make up for the ladies, do it for the men. Wear flattering clothes. Don't dress like a skank unless you want to be treated like one, but do dress like you like yourself and your body. Dress like you find yourself attractive. If you think you're attractive, others will, too.
3. Make your intentions clear. Sure, mystery can be intriguing and sexy, but so much mystery that the guy is confused is just going to lead no where. If you are really good friends, it's ok to tell him that you'd like to go on a date with him sometime. If you're too shy to do that, that's ok, too. As Ursualla told Ariel, "Don't forget the importance of body language."
   
   Body language is great. Show men you're interested by touching their arms, leaning on their shoulders, subtle things like that. Men aren't stupid. They may be oblivious at times, but they can read the signs, at least to some degree. My fiance was one of the most oblivious people I'd ever met, but he could at least tell that I wanted to spend more time with him.
4. Make friends with men. When I first moved into my apartment complex, the first friends I made were men. I spent all my time hanging out with them. I'm very comfortable with that, since I have a hard time making friends with girls. I was interested in dating a couple of them, but I'm not their friend for that reason. I am their friend because I enjoy spending time with them. They are funny, smart, witty, and caring friends. The great thing about being friends that go one dates with all intentions out in the open is that I'm still friends with them, even though I'm no longer on the market.

There are my guidelines. They have served me well.

Fashion Week Spring RTW and Pre-Fall 2013

I've just got done looking at all the Spring RTW 2013 and Pre-Fall 2013 lines from my favorite designers. I know, I'm behind on this, but I've been busy getting engaged and stuff. I just want to say, I love where fashion is going. My favorite collection for Spring is by Marchesa. My favorite Pre-Fall collection is Chanel.

Marchesa's spring collection is pretty great. First off, they have beautiful tunics. I love tunics. They're super flattering and the length is just great. 

Georgina Chapman and Karen Craig are also very good with neutrals and colors. I loved that this collection went from neutrals to bright colors to deep, rich colors. The greatest thing about all these colors is that the pieces still look like they all belong in the same collection. With a lot of collections, using such a wide range of colors makes the pieces look disconnected and unprofessional as a whole collection. Not so with this collection!

Lastly, the draping is beautiful, as always. One thing that I have admired in many of Marchesa's collections is their master draping. What I love about this collection is the draping with different weights of fabric and the layering of drapes. 

The Chanel Pre-fall collection is by far my favorite collection this year. Why, do you ask? Because of the inspiration for it. It is very unique. The interesting thing about it is that I don't think I would wear any of the clothes in it. Besides the outerwear. There's some pretty great outerwear in the collection. 

I also love the collars. The cool thing about the collars is that they're collars that people would look at in history and go "no one would ever wear those again" but they're actually really cool. I could see people wearing most of these collars. 

Mostly, I love this collection because of the fine line between costume and fashion that it balances on. The inspiration for this line is clearly quite old. But it is surprisingly modern. Add a pair of heels and a nice, modern hair-do and you're good to go.