What does this have to do with testimonies? Good question. I've recently come to notice a general train of thought when it comes to members of the LDS Church. It might be present in many faiths, I don't know, I'm not of many faiths, I am of one. This thought is that it's hard for intellectuals to have testimonies. Until recently, I have not really considered myself an intellectual. Perhaps I'm not one, but I fit the category as described by many. In some people's eyes, I am an intellectual. In a scientist's eyes, I'm probably not. Either way, I like things to be proven. This being said, I would like to share how I came about my testimony that God is our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is our Savior and Redeemer.
I cannot remember a single Sunday growing up that my parents just decided not to go to church. The only times I can remember not going is when I was sick, we were snowed in, or we were travelling. Even when we were travelling, I remember going to church almost every Sunday we were on the road. The only exception I can remember is when we were visiting my grandpa on a Sunday. He is not religious and family comes before anything else so we would visit with him instead of going to church. As a child I simply did not doubt my parents or their testimonies.
The first time I remember doubting religion in general was sometime between 7th and 9th grade. I don't remember an exact year, but I know it was in there. I had a hard time believing there was a being I could not see that cared about me, cared about what I did with my life, and knew me personally. The vastness of God was just too much. My "prove it" tendency came out and I could not find anyone that could prove that there was any type of god.
This type of thought came and went for a few years. I remember telling my mom that I didn't know if I had a testimony or not and she told me that I did, I just didn't know it and she could tell I did because this bothered me so much. I did not believe her, but I realized I was bothered by not knowing because of two reasons: 1) I did not know and I don't like not knowing things and 2) the idea of a world and life with no meaning is incredibly sad to me. I could not accept that we come to this life, conscious beings, from nothing and then die and become nothing again. The thought of only leaving a legacy, not continuing after this life, is kinda depressing if you really think about it.
Once I realized this, I knew I had to find out if life is depressing or if there is some other purpose. Growing up in a church-going family really helped me find a place to start. The interesting thing is, I hadn't even started looking when I found the answer.
By this time I was in early morning seminary. Every morning I would get up sometime between 4:30 and 5, get ready for school, and leave at 5:30 to get to seminary by 6, which was held at the teacher's house. I hated it. I am not a morning person and I only went because my parents expected me to and I've never liked disappointing them. Some time in the first two years of this, I was trying to find a scripture to start the class off with (We rotated doing a spiritual thought and prayer by week) and I opened up The Book of Mormon. I liked doing this because you can find a good spiritual thought on almost every page of that book of scripture. The scripture I found that day happened to be 2 Nephi 11:7
7 For if there be ano Christ there be no God; and if there be no God we are not, for there could have been no bcreation. But there is a God, and che is Christ, and he cometh in the fulness of his own time.
That highlighted part is the part that really struck me. I'd always had a hard time accepting that the whole world just evolved by chance into what it is. It just seemed a little far fetched to me. I have never been able to just accept that conscious life just happened by chance. People are too complex, animals are even too complex. There had to be something there prompting it along. I agree with a biology professor I had a few semesters ago in saying God may have used evolution to create the world. He is the greatest scientist ever, after all. Even if he didn't, I will never say it does not exist after the creation, there is just too much evidence saying evolution exists.
After finding this verse, I decided I needed to find the true religion. Since I found the verse in The Book of Mormon, I figured the religion I was raised in was a good place to start. I also trust my parents and consider them to be very intelligent. If they have testimonies that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the true church, there must be a reason why. They wouldn't believe it blindly. I began asking questions in church and to my parents. I had a lot of questions but every answer I was given made sense, there was no contradiction between them. Slowly, I gained a testimony all for myself.
I know God is real. It has been proven to me beyond the shadow of a doubt. I know he is a God of order and his church would be the same across the world and organized in a way where that could easily happen. He is a kind and merciful God and would allow a chance for every one of his children to return to him. I know Jesus Christ was sent to earth to die for us for just that reason. I know they appeared to a young Joseph Smith to restore the true church to the earth. This I know for myself. I have studied it, I have prayed about it, and I've received answers to my prayers.
If anyone that reads this doubts that intellectuals can have testimonies, I hope I have shed even the tiniest ray of light into that thought process. Intellectuals can have testimonies. Religious universities and colleges everywhere are evidence of this. Testimonies come when they are searched for, just like any other knowledge. Those that truely understand things are those that study whatever it is that's being understood. Anyone can come to know anything if they only put in the effort.
I really liked this post, and I think there are more of us 'intellectuals' than you think. I'm pretty sure I fit your description of one, anyway.
ReplyDeleteYou talked about this a little, but one of the things I love most about the Church is that, while we can't *exactly* have proof, we can do an 'experiment' that can allow us to have a testimony. The experiment is described in Alma 32, and it's the way that you, and I, and almost everyone has a testimony; by living it and feeling the Spirit testify. Now, after years of living it and studying it, I know that the gospel is more true than anything else in this world or out, and anyone who's willing to really commit to living it can have that same testimony.
It can be a scary commitment for some people, but I think it's worth it.
Finally read this and had to comment. I like the other comment because it sums up my thoughts very succinclty. In our faith we have the certainty that one day we will understand everything and that nothing will be held back from us. However, the way to gain that understanding is not the way the world would think about doing it. If that were the case then our faith would be no different than any other man-made philosophy or religion. Our faith is based upon personal revelation that comes as we express a willingness to make and keep promises to God. We gain our understanding through experimentation, which is an exercise of faith. Sometimes that experiment goes on for a very long time. Your simple desire not to disappoint your parents and to trust in what they were telling you long enough to endure four years of seminary led to a strengthening of your faith that is solid and cannot be taken from you. It is all about proving things out and being willing to accept a wisdom that is far greater than our own. This will always require some sacrifice from us (or at least it will appear so) or a leap of faith at times, because we are reaching for something that is beyond this world and is beyond the understanding of this world. It will require us to make certain promises and keep them so that we can prove our loyalty to God. The more he can trust us the more he will grant us knowledge of him that is pure spiritual knowledge. He will give us incredible blessings and insights but along with that comes responsibility for that knowledge. If it came too easily we might too easily let go of it and one day we will stand accountable for what we did with knowledge we received. And our Heavenly Father wants us to do one thing with that knowledge: serve and love others with extreme compassion and in an untiring way. It starts with our families and then extends to others. Sometimes that compassion can really hurt, especially when bad things happen. This is something I know after being a Bishop for nearly five years and a father for nearly 23 years. It's never good to intellectualize gospel things like some people are prone to do. Some subjects just should not be debated or aired out like dirty laundry--in the same way that world debates and intellectualizes and discusses everything. Everyone has an opinion and it is difficult to really know who is right because no human being is 100% right without heavenly inspiration. It cheapens spiritual knowledge and it cheapens the gift of knowledge of things that aren't of this world when we bring them down to the level of the debate and worldly investigation. We often have to just suspend disbelief until one day we will understand. If we can't figure out how to do this along the way then we are in peril of destroying the very seeds of faith that we have planted and nurtured so carefully.
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